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chopsticks4rent
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Name: deb-err-ah
Birthday: 10/24/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: thunderstorms. graphic design. music. Sufjan Stevens. mewithoutyou. Christopher Walken. eskimo kisses. driving. listening. watching. believing. laughing. being broken.
Expertise: why the sky is blue.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  snapshotsofyou86
Member Since:
12/6/2004
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| i am listening. waiting.
everything i think.
i don't.
it hurts to breathe here, when the air is thick.
and my bones are cold.
i can only say that because i'm here,
i think it would hurt to breathe anywhere.
i have these dreams of letting go,
but i've always been a tight-grasper on a short leash.
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| i am shattering anything
that might have even resembled a resolution.
also, ovens come in handy
when you run out of matches.
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| i was back at that place with all the windows
and the open spaces, the broken glass and the hidden doors.
and i stopped my breath for a moment,
but i still couldn't feel it.
[i can't feel anything anymore]
there was only [numbness]
and nothing else.
i thought i remembered dancing with that light.
and i held on to that memory,
wishing desperately for it to materialize.
i used to ache to write down those thoughts.
to hold on to everything.
it wasn't the same.
and all i could think was,
"this place used to make me a poet."
but i was wordless.
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| my sides ache
and tie themselves in knots
with every breath we exchange.
it's a dying habit,
but i never changed
how i felt about you.
it's like puking before the 8th grade dance.
spinning until i make myself sick.
i feel overwhelmed.
[social anxiety]
don't worry
it's a compliment.
i don't get this way for anyone anymore.
i'm comfortable around you
but uneasy.
i'm not sure why.
whatever started it...
left.
i was always good at thinking it was something else.
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| this time last year.
i met someone.
someone that impressed me.
and i smiled...
for a terribly nice new friend.
[at a time when i really needed to smile]
but then i left, and i came back.
and things change.
and people get cocky.
and my heart breaks.
but it always mends.
and this - right now - can be weird sometimes.
though not all the time.
to still enjoy a friend that annoys the hell out of you
mainly because you know they're a terrible person.
but all of those words we spoke are still frozen in time.
and it still got me through that semester.
and it still makes me smile.
p.s.
i just found this.
November 26, 2007
Somehow, despite constant disappointment in my education, there's a handful of things that I adore.
Being around those people that make me smile when I sleep.
Sitting on the side of that bridge with you, tossing rocks into streams.
yeah.
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